Ironically, in the many, many, busy and overwhelming months since my last post, God has been working on only ONE THING in my life. Rest. Yet this last year has been the busiest year of my life. There has been less rest than ever before.
(We did sneak in a 1 week vacation to the beach last summer. It was glorious. If you ever hear a report that I've gone missing, come look for me at Topsail Island, North Carolina. It's my new favorite place on earth.)
|Um. Yes. Please.|
|Me and Mine catching a minute of romance.|
It's MY fault that I'm busy all the time. It's MY fault that I don't have rest. I'm the one who takes on too much, fills my schedule to overflowing, and takes on new projects whenever there's a moment of free time. It's not my boss's fault, or my husband's, or even my kid's. It's all me.
I really hate that.
God showed me that I don't rest because I need to feel that I've achieved something; that I think my value comes from what I've accomplished. That I'm fighting every day of my life to prove I have worth - and that I think my worth comes from what I've done.
I really hate that too.
I am completely unable to remedy this self-created problem. Left to my own devices, I will work myself into the grave.
But there is hope.
Jesus told us that He came to give us LIFE. Not stress. Not busyness. Not exhaustion. LIFE.
If I will surrender to His will, and seek Him before I make commitments or take on new projects, I can find rest in Him. It's His desire for me, for all of us. And I'm done fighting Him on this one.
I know it won't be easy. I've enlisted my pastor, my husband, and some really great friends to help me recognize when I've overcommitted and discern what commitments need to get tossed out. I can't do it alone, but it can be done.
This upcoming year, when the occasional free day looms out ahead of me, all purposeless and scary in its lack of structure, I promise to stop, pray, and just breathe. I won't panic. I won't rush into a project. I'll just listen. Rest. Wait. Be whole in Him.
Because He's my value. He's my worth. He's the purpose and life I want to find. And there's nothing I can ever add or detract from that.
Do any of you have the same struggle? Are you too busy and it's all your fault? Where do you create boundaries to keep your schedule clear? How do you fight the tendency to draw your value from your accomplishments? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment and share your story.